Category Archives: Mama Files

Taking care of YOU

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More mom-vice for my kids (and anyone else who needs to hear it)

This is a toughie, because from my 50-something perspective there is so much looking BACK that I would love a re-do on in regards to my OWN health and habits, but we can’t live in the past and it creates a non-productive rabbit hole we can easily disintegrate into. The present. The present is where it is at……however, if you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 80s and beyond it’s NEVER too late to start a new habit, hobby or healthcare routine.

At the end of the day, it is a choice to take care of ourselves. If you are concerned with current habits that might lead to a more challenging life ahead, reach out to family, friends, doctors, therapists. The biggest changes in our lives start small and snowball into larger changes—-both good and bad.

It is your life. You are worth your effort and time to make it a good one. Your body, mind and soul are the tools to make it through life. Sharpen them. If something isn’t working in your life, evaluate the WHY? Life is a journey and filled with change—position yourself to enjoy the journey in every way possible. It’s a great life and you are worth it!!

Below are 3 areas to look at:

Diet

I feel like we all know this but I also feel like the spotlight on this area is becoming much larger as we all re-evaluate and struggle against the processed and crap food found in the grocery stores. Regular grocery shopping is not only a big money saver, but it puts YOU in control of what goes into your body. However, shopping EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. can be overwhelming and tedious but it is well worth your time and effort so here are some tips on making it easier:

  • Meal planning and prepping: hear me out. A day-by-day meal plan isn’t necessary, but a goal of 2-3 meals that you can easily whip up will provide multiple dinners and/or leftovers for lunches is a huge game-changer. Don’t forget breakfast and lunch ideas—this saves on the Dunkin’ runs and your bank acccount will be extremely grateful!
  • Make a running collection of recipes and meal plans in your phone/iPad. Personal favorites and recommendations from friends and family will provide a great reference when you are in the “what-the-heck-am-I-going-to-eat-this-week” panic as your prepare to head to the grocery store.
  • PREPARE for the grocery store. Make a list and stick to it. This will help you get in and out quickly, keep you on task and assure you have what you need for the week.
  • Grocery shop once a week—a financially friendly tip here. The only exception would be if you have to fill in fresh fruits or veggies during the week— again, make a list and stick to it.
  • Keep your staples stocked: (quinoa, pasta, hearty bread, eggs, rice, flour, olive oil, beans, tuna fish, canned chicken) whatever your faves are with a long shelf life—if you have them on hand, you can quickly and easily make a fast healthy meal.
  • Cooking at home involves a learning curve, but find a few meals you can make and branch out from there. The schools of YouTube, TikTok and Instagram provide endless tutorials and ideas. Cooking at home will provide a much healthier meal at a fraction of the cost of eating out and can also become a fun hobby, you can even cook with friends!

Exercise

A lot of people (including myself) look at exercise as a task to be done, a task that can become monotonous or a task that feels societally driven via perfect IG pages, TikTok accounts and the like. We try new gyms, programs and equipment and peter out after a few weeks. However, exercise is a vital part of life and positively affects every area of your body. And so your goal should be more about treating your mental and physical health as well as longevity.

  • Exercise makes life easier overall: chores are more manageable, work is filled with less injuries, there is more stamina to enjoy life after work because you aren’t completely sapped of energy.
  • Exercise provides endorphins for a more positive outlook on life: improves mental health, our relationship with other people, wipes away a hard day and solves the problems of the world through a little sweat therapy. You never regret working out!
  • Exercise is the number one tool in maintaining and managing bodily health—diabetes, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s, just a few diseases that can be minimized with regular exercise. Coupled with a healthy (low processed food) diet these two tools can reverse diabetes, lower heart disease and Alzheimer’s risk as well as positively affect depression symptoms.
  • Genetics are genetics and we can’t do anything to change that, but exercise and the aforementioned diet play a huge role in maximizing optimal health. So find something or several somethings , especially in your 20s and 30s that you can do on repeat and mix up and set that foundation for your later years. Trust me!!!

Family history

Remember genetics? Knowing and understanding your family health history is hugely important in managing your own health. Knowledge is power—so learn it! The more you know, the more you know!!

  • Addiction family history? Sorry to inform you that your own risk is multiplied. It’s important to know the history, recognize patterns and reach out for help if you start to slide into addictive behaviors. PS If you have a significant other, family member or friend that suggests to you that you might have an issue with “insert-addictive-issue”, step back and think that through. Speaking from a place of love here, if they are speaking it, they are looking out for your best interest and there is likely some truth in what they see.
  • Here is a link to a self assessment if you think you might have an alcohol problem, however, you can substitute any other substance in the place of alcohol (drugs, porn, etc.). Addiction is widely spread in our society and there are many resources to help find ways to live with addiction and exploring positive avenues to replace the destructive ones.
  • Heart disease, cancer, diabetes, kidney disease, aneurysms, depression, and on and on and on: genetics are often an indicator to future (possibly current) health issues and it’s important to learn about what may affect you at some point allowing time to be proactive now so that you can fight more effectively later—if necessary.

XO

On relationships

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To my kids, who I love so much my heart aches sometimes,

You may be rolling your eyes, but there is a good chance you may have children one day, and whether it is one child or a brood of rascals, you’ll learn this the first time you hold them in your arms and they sear your heart, mind and very soul. Then you’ll know.

But there are other relationships I speak of, for your to be aware of, to work toward improving, creating, or cutting loose. Let’s discuss:

Those to improve

  • Parents: Yes, we gave you life. A reminder that as you grow into adulthood, we CRAVE your friendship. We are amazing resources to all things LIFE. Vent to us, share your happiness with us, call us just to say “hey, ‘sup. Love you.” Not to be morbid, but we are getting older, too. You may not see it, but life is flying by at a ridiculous pace and WE are so very aware—this is why we covet your conversations and cherish time spent. So lean into this idea of friendship with your parents, it is one you’ll never regret.
  • Grandparents: They gave us life. The stuff we know……they know more. Their love for you is on another level and generally will come with lunch, dinner or just a welcome hug! Getting to know them as an adult gives you so much insight to your parents, their life and ancestry and gives an entirely different perspective on life. Between your parents and grandparents you can learn to sort out the trivial and the important far more quickly, leaving more energy to grab life by the horns!
  • Siblings: Your first playmates and friends, for better or worse. You have a shared history and have insight into one another that no one can replicate. Growing up you had your ups and downs, as most siblings do and now as an adult you can nurture those relationships into ride-or-die friendships. You won’t always agree and your quirks will drive each other crazy, but the fun you can have is unmatched. Your siblings can be your sounding board and your safe landing place, but it is a new friendship as adults to be cultivated. It is worth the effort, even if it is awkward at first, and one person makes more effort than the other—-keep pushing and persevere; you’ll never regret it.

Those to create

  • New friends or maybe friends you’ve lost touch with. We all need friends as a part of life. We are social creatures and if the pandemic taught us one thing (among a million) it is that humans need socialization.
  • Friends come in many packages: Work friends—you’re there all day and become interwoven in each other’s lives along the way. Make friends, or at least be friendly, it makes the workday so much easier!
  • Exercise friends—exercise is a great outlet for managing stress and if you exercise with friends you will find a welcome form of exercise therapy where you and your friends can solve the problems of the world, or at least the problems of YOUR worlds. So, you get the drift here….find a fun hobby and you will be sure to find new friends to share it with and this will in turn brighten your life along the way.
  • Romantic friends, and I’m not talking about “friends with benefits” here. I’m talking about a friend who evolves into a romantic partner, potentially a spouse. This is truly a post on it its own but for brevity’s sake, I’m inserting this here because if you are in a romantic relationship with someone, they must be your friend. Shared interests, jokes, hobbies and the ability to share in LIFE. Hopes, dreams, joy and sorrow. Supporting each other and encouraging growth are monumental to this friendship. Don’t settle for less in this relationship, you are worth the effort.
  • One thing for certain, find friends who will encourage you to live your best life, to grow, who celebrate your successes and comfort you in your less-than-successful moments. Friends who can speak the truth in love, even when it hurts. Friends who will wash the dishes after a party or be your plus one. Friends who share in life and don’t compete in life.
  • And in friendships and romatic relationships, this also leads me to:

Those to cut loose

  • Not every friendship or romantic relationship is meant to be a part of your life, some are meant to be part of your past. It’s part of life, there will be some people you just generally can’t relate to for a multitude of reasons.
  • Toxic friendships (and by friendship, please feel free to insert romantic relationship here as well, because they are interchangeable). Friends who do not support you, listen to you, encourage you in a positive manner in life are not friends. If a friend puts you down or regularly argues with you, move along. The “Real Housewives” are not real life. True friends don’t gossip about other friends, compete with each other to see who has the best, latest, most and they don’t put you down or make you feel badly about yourself. If you see a pattern of this, it’s time to re-evaluate and put some space between you and this “friend” and decide if this is something you can both overcome and improve upon or cut the losses. Your mental health will thank you.
  • Complainers. Friends who complain about everything: life, jobs, family, other friends, lack of opportunity. These friends are manifesting their own Eeyore life and they will drag you down, especially if you are constantly trying to help them fix things. There is exercise therapy and there is real therapy and unless you are a therapist you need to create an exit plan if they can’t overcome negativity.
  • Abusive friends. Obviously abuse takes many different forms but in friendships this is often verbal and must not be tolerated. (Physical abuse is a HARD NO). Verbal abuse leaves no marks but tears the heart and leaves you hardened to building future, healthy relationships. Friends may not even realize they are being abusive, but a good test is to call them out on it when it is happening or discuss soon after to point out how their actions made you feel. If the friend dismisses this as over-reacting or some other negating form, this is a red-flag.