Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary. Can I get a whoop, whoop?!?!? It was also the last day of school….oh, GLORY HALLELUJAH, BRING ON SUMMER!!! Anyhoo, I decided to re-post a piece from my prior blog (now private). It is still very much applicable, almost 2 years later.
SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2011
I’ve been reflecting on marriage a lot lately. It seems there are marriages falling apart all around me. I shouldn’t be surprised, really….what with roughly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, however, it makes me sad everytime I hear it.
I was talking to my hubby about it, because, quite honestly I was just feeling so down about it and the fact that, as a friend, I truly wasn’t encouraging any of my friends (who are currently separated and heading in the D direction) to stay in their marriages. I suppose it would seem easy for me to stand up and say “Seriously??? come on. If I can do it, so can you.” The reality is that every situation is different. And that’s why I don’t say that. People might say it to me, but I can’t say it to them. We are all different people. In our situation, we’ve been fortunate enough to receive the graces of forgiveness, humility and courage to start over. We learned to communicate….and continue to practice, because we both still can’t quite get it “just right”….the bottom line is that we were both willing to work on the things that needed to change. To recognize that it’s a lifelong process. Much like faith. Our walk is one that needs daily tending, pruning, communication and open-ness. Marriage is the perfect opportunity to practice our Faith-walk.
These current separations and divorces among friends have reminded me that we all struggle. Behind closed doors with our family we become ridiculously unfair, unkind, impatient and rude. It’s easy to do and we rarely hear about it because it’s not shared until it’s all laid bare, naked and ugly for all the world to see. Why don’t we share more often? Are we that proud? Stubborn? Self-righteous? Blaming the other?
Marriage is hard. Communication and compromise are hard. It’s a full on marathon. Requiring endurance, focus and determination. If we don’t approach each task in love, our marriages will not survive. And then what legacy do we leave to our children? In this “Year of Marriage”, let us encourage one another in our marriages. Encourage and honestly guide those engaged couples. Newlyweds. Friends. Family. That we can receive strength and guidance from those who are long married. Let us re-prioritize our marriages and continually renew the love that got us here in the first place!
Carry on friends. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Marriage takes effort. It takes TWO. And it’s worth it.