Category Archives: Faith

The fork in the road

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Hello there!!!! It has been a minute, hasn’t it? In fact, it’s been so long that WordPress has had some updates and I am still figuring it out. Fortunately, it appears pretty straightforward so if you are reading this….you’ll know I was successful in my efforts!

Where to start? You’d think with the international health issues of the past two years, I’d have plenty of time to write with all the “quarantining”. Except….I changed jobs in 2019 to a Director of Operations position. This was, my “dream job” (which I had aspired to for years) with a company that I loved, working with people that I KNEW and liked, an industry that I was confident in—what a rush! But how did I get there?!?!

After 20+ years of clinical work, I finished my bachelor’s degree—while working full time and raising 4 young kids. All I can say about that is, “kids, finish while you’re young! Going back later isn’t for the faint of heart!” I decided my life and clinical expertise would be conducive in a leadership role, so I put my head down and got to work. This took roughly 5 years, a step “down” for the opportunity to go “up” and M.A.N.Y. “learning opportunities“ to reach my goal, but I did it and grabbed that golden ring. I stepped so far out of my comfort zone throughout the different roles I took and it turns out…….. I didn’t really enjoy my “dream job”. Don’t get me wrong, there were certainly aspects of it that I did enjoy and thrived on learning so much, but life is too short to be available 24/7.

The time commitment was one of many aspects that I struggled with—finding the ever elusive “work/life balance”. My main struggle was internal—-I really felt that God led me into this space and for the first time in my professional life, I didn’t shine. Don’t get me wrong, the first 18-21 months I did well, but the last 3 months—-crash and burn. There’s a lot more to it, but it boiled down to communication on many sides and the accumulation of responsibilities coupled with the feeling I had to do it all and refused to delegate. It was at that point that I realized (and maybe THIS is what God was showing me) that life is too short and we need to recognize when to move on and take our lessons with us, trusting His plan will find a home for it all in due time.

I was able to transition into a newly created position which was wildly productive and lucrative for our company and I learned a ton—-if you could imagine drinking through a fire hose—that would be a fairly accurate description of my learning curve. Despite my success, sitting in an office crunching spreadsheets began to feel like a filler job, not MY job (but someone else’s). During this time, our family took a vacation to our favorite spot, New Hampshire. Lots of fresh air, great hikes, stars showing off at midnight and a strong sense of peace. THIS is where I (we) are supposed to be. Discussing this on a hike with the Hubs, the confidence of THIS was deep in my soul. Details such as how, when, what were irrelevant; I knew God would reveal them in due time.

And so the prayers began.

to be continued…..

Be Transformed

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I have been incredibly blessed in my life to have a few truly spectacular people who provided me with strong spiritual direction.  The kind that isn’t always comfortable but comes from a place of love and TRUTH.  Friendships such as these are both a blessing and a challenge and the end result is  tremendous growth in faith.  One of these friends is Dr. Bob Schuchts, our former marriage counselor and now friend (not to mention nationally renowned speaker, author and presenter of amazing healing conferences!).  Time with Bob is thought provoking and soul searching, at some point ususally resulting in tears–but good, cleansing tears.

If you ever have the opportunity to attend one of the conferences of the John Paul II Healing Center, I strongly urge you to take full advantage of it;  you will not regret it!  Bob is the founder and we had the opportunity to experience one of his conferences, Unveiled, a marriage conference recently and it was phenomenal.  Truly.  Such a gift.

OK.  Ending my “Bob” commercial, but onto the author portion of Dr. Bob Schuchts and enter his newest book Be Transformed.  If you are looking for some Lenten reading or just a deeper dive into the sacraments, this is it.

In Be Transformed  we dig into the sacraments one-by-one and learn how they configure in our lives and WHY they are important.  We may recognize the importance of some (like Holy Communion and Marriage) yet others we don’t always get the up-close on or see the how they can truly transform our lives.  It moves you beyond Mass and moves you INTO the sacraments one at a time and reveals how all the sacraments are truly interwoven to grow us closer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

One of my favorite parts of how Bob gets us to participate throughout the book is through HIM:  healing, identity and mission**  We are taken through each of the sacraments with personal stories, scripture verses and a view into our own hearts and relationship with Christ.  It’s a perfect format for a small group study, as well as on your own for contemplative and personal growth.  Each chapter has questions to reflect on and a scripture verse to be read lectio divina style as it applies to the specific chapter as well as your life.  Fair warning though, be ready to dig deep and understand that you will be doing some serious heart surgery.

I’ll admit that for me, personally, some of this book was challenging as it forced me to slow down and to listen to what the Holy Spirit was uncovering in my own heart.  It was a struggle for me in being so introspective.   As Bob’s friend, Simeon says, “Reading God’s Word is like seeing yourself in a mirror…….people are afraid to see themselves.”*** Nail meet head.  Ouch.

Do yourself a favor and add Be Transformed to your collection, you won’t be sorry!

***quotes from Dr. Bob Schuchts book, Be Transformed.

 

Ask, seek, knock

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With growing kids, I truly want with every fiber of my being to wrap them in bubble wrap and orchestrate their every move, always keeping them close to Jesus and to mama.  However, although I want to do EVERYTHING for them, I know that in doing EVERYTHING for them, I do them an enormous disservice, and so frequently, we step back.  Way back.  Let them go and watch them fail.  Watch them struggle.  It is a painful process to watch sometimes and an internal struggle for the Hubby and I on WHEN to step in.

It is so hard to watch your kids grow through the tough stuff. Sometimes repeatedly.  They do grow though.  So do we.

When they DO succeed, it is with immense joy and celebration and sometimes even awe that we can rejoice with them as they taste the fruits of their labor and perseverance.

I imagine that is how God views us; He lets us go and do our thing, hanging back in case we need Him.  He encourages us through our struggles and cheers our victories.

Yet, He wants us to come to Him in our struggles, to seek His guidance and wisdom to receive His strength to power us through those times of trial.  The times we seek Him out, our struggles seem less lengthy, more manageable; when we try and and tough it out and “do it ourselves”, we often have a long and weary road and our troubles persist long beyond their term.

Let us remember, Matthew 7:7, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”.

Practical application:  19 yo loses his truck key and reaches out to the parental units for assistance, from a random neighbor of a friend because his phone is dead.  Dad brings him his spare key.  An hour away.  On a Sunday night.  No hesitation.  No grumbling.  No guilt trip.  Because he asked.

Practical application:

  • any time
  • any where
  • any thing

One day, maybe I’ll grow up to be as patient as my Hubby.  Until then, I’ll just keep asking.

 

 

Time=Runaway train

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Right now, I just came off Facebook reviewing all the back to school pictures that I missed this week……taking Facebook off my phone has been AMAZEBALLS, y’all.  Truly.  So freeing.  Anyway, I was perusing.  So fun to see how much my friends kiddos have grown.

I was NOT prepared for all of the first year of college send off pics that filled my feed.  One after another.  I see those smiley faces, bags, dorms, full trunks and I know this is what we do.  We grow them up and send them off.  It is the circle of life.  And I just want to cry.  Just a few minutes, a nice big cry in my bathroom, cathartic and snotty and be done.

And then our oldest turned 19 this week and since he nevers lets me take his picture anymore without a crazy face, I posted a throwback to about 12 years old and I’m dying all over again.

Then our almost 17 yo stayed at a friends after the football game last night and I’m just wanting to shackle them all to their rooms.  Forever.  And hug them and kiss them and squeeze them tight.  But I guess that would be weird.  So.  I won’t.

Top it off with the fact that I am on Day 3 of the St. Monica novena for our kids and the spiritual attacks are real.  I was truly mean and grumpy last night.  Embarrasingly so.  I owe my kids an apology.  Already gave one to the Hubs.  And the dreams last night.  So vivid.  So haunting.  So nerve wracking and I know right where they are coming from.  Thereby doubling up the prayers for all (and if you could offer up a few for me that’d be greatly appreciated!).

Anyway.  Father Time, cut the crap and slow this train down.  I’m just here trying to enjoy the journey!

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

Facebook + Politics = Inferno

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At which point I remove Facebook from my phone.  Again.  And am taking the time to completely re-evaluate my friend’s list and purpose of my Facebook usage.  However, one should never act in the heat of the moment and in these next few months……pause might be a better reaction.  Rather than just slice and chop right now.  Maybe. Just maybe.

Here’s my political take, from a non-political and non-confrontational person.

I am a registered Republican and in the past that party has most closely represented my beliefs.  Most closely.  Not perfectly, but in comparison, the people in that party, voted more often like I did than Democrats.  I say this because, although a registered Republican I don’t believe that EVERY Republican deserves my vote.  I have voted Democrat in elections.  Whomever is closest to representing ME gets my vote.  Period.  End.  So, for me, there isn’t a huge die-hard party vote.  And quite frankly, I think that’s how it should be.  (My blog, my opinion)  You vote for who represents YOU, party shouldn’t matter.

Right now, I am not alone in daily having to pick my jaw up from the floor at the absolutely insanity of our choices for PRESIDENT. OF. THE. UNITED. STATES.

ARE.  YOU.  EFFING.   KIDDING. ME????

Anyway, back to Facebook.  Because I feel SO strongly against our Democrat and Republican nominee choices,  and again, I am not political……I believe that people will choose one or another because that’s what we do and when your choices are poop and crap, you pick one.  The people that drive me INSANE are the ones who actually STAND BEHIND one party and rail against the other, publicly and obnoxiously.  Like their person is the good one?!?!?  Is there a good one???  News flash:  no.  Which makes me wonder how in good and serious conscious can ANYONE even pretend their person is good and worthy of being President.   It is flabbergasting to me.

So, what does one do at this point if you are sorely lacking a cave or sustainable compound in the White Mountains?   For me, I just have to step back.  WAY.  BACK.  I need to re-evaluate who I have on my friend’s list and what I use Facebook for.   While I am friends with a wide variety of people, I am finding SO many “friends” with such toxic posts that I am realizing that I don’t really like them and so, well….that probably doesn’t make a good friendship.  Right?

At the same time, I have to truly sit down and look at ALL the choices and trust me, I am looking hard at the Libertarian choice for the first time in my life.  Which is so much work.  WTH is the Libertarian party?  I obviously slept through that American government class.  (Transparency here, folks….I gave full disclosure at the beginning as to my non-politicalness) So is that a vote wasted?  Well, not if enough people feel like I do.  At the end of the day, if I can live with my choice and vote my conscience and not the mob mentality, I’m ok with that.  At least I’ll know I voted MY values and beliefs and didn’t blindly follow the psychopathic circus.  And if I do….well I dang sure won’t be bragging about it.

I am Tracy and I approve this message.

Peace!