Ebbs and flows…the rhythm of marriage…

Recently, a good friend of mine got married.  Vegas, baby.  They did plan the wedding, though she jokes it was touch and go for a bit.  After a long courtship and a long engagement, I am so incredibly happy for them in this next chapter. Today she was telling a funny story about a little “incident” that occurred after they were home and settling in and his response was, “Baby?  Is that how it’s going to be now?  We’re married, so that’s it?”  We all had quite a hearty laugh at this because, on some level, things DO change and we all know this….usually it takes longer than two days though….

The good news is that my friend’s husband COMMUNICATED this to her, right off the bat.  So, I’m thinking this is a good start.  And with divorce rates at the 50%ish mark, I’m sure any divorce attorney can assure you a common thread in any dissolution of marriage is loss of communication.

I see it in my own marriage.  How easy it is to get out of the habit of communication.  The week goes by, 4 kids with various amounts of homework, chores and responsibilities, taxi-ing here and there to extracurriculars and hanging with friends, dinner, breakfast, laundry and throw in work, bills and raising up these 4 kiddos for mom and dad and a week can go by in a flash with the most riveting conversation revolving around the garbage delivery.  Communication is vital and not just about the garbage.  But to keep in touch.  To assess our needs, wants, desires.  To stand united as parents.  To stand united. “where two or more are gathered together in my name, I am there with them.” Matthew 18:20

I see it in my friend’s marriage.  We have all of the same day-to-day business revolving around large, growing families and then add in:  A recession that has rocked their standard of living from super-comfy to basic needs vs. wants.   A struggling business.  Property loss.  A house full of precious children.  The stress-o-meter has just rocketed UP several notches….Communication is vital, to plan the recovery.  To stay abreast of what is and isn’t happening.  To be a team.  To face each day united, because “where two or more are gathered together in my name, I am there with them.” Matthew 18:20


I see it in another friend’s marriage.  Again, all of the same day-to-day business of a large family with full-time parents and now add in a child who is valiantly fighting Ewing’s sarcoma, a very aggressive form of cancer.  Bi-weekly travel two hours from home for chemo treatments, blood transfusions, balancing work, school and life for the rest of the family trying to adapt to their new “normal” as they band together through this extremely scary time.  The stress-o-meter is SMOKING!!  They are amazingly brave and godly people who are facing this with their faith in God’s hands, with their son in God’s hands and I pray they will continue to communicate with each other and witness to God’s glory in their marriage and family throughout this uber-stressful time…. “where two or more are gathered together in my name, I am there with them.” Matthew 18:20

I see it in my friend who is recovering day by day to her new life as a single woman as her marriage has dissolved before her eyes as her husband communicated his desire to spend it with someone else.  only after she came across texts.  there was no communication.  there was no couple gathered in His name.

He wants our marriages to succeed.  evil does not.  He gives us all the tools to bless each other and strengthen our marriages.  evil provides the vices to destroy each other and our marriages all the while oblivious to the damage until it’s too late.  He gives us forgiveness and love to move  past hurts and to grow stronger through trials.  evil gives us bitterness, resentment and scorecards to keep track of who did what.  He gives us his Son, in whom:  “where two or more are gathered together in my name, I am there with them.” Matthew 18:20  

evil runs screaming at Jesus’ name.

How will you choose to communicate?




1 thought on “Ebbs and flows…the rhythm of marriage…

  1. Tammi

    I have to say Willie and started walking in the evening not so much to exercise but to catch up with one another about our days, the kids and anything else we can’t seem to talk about with two rambunctious children wanting both of our attention all the time. It’s something I really look forward to. I agree that without communication you CAN NOT have a marriage. Love you!



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