To say this past week has been topsy-turvy is really quite the understatement.  However, we knew there would be “these days” and we would persevere through, but oh MY goodness when you are knee-deep in the muck of it all, it is some tough stuff.  Looking forward we can have a “plan” (and you know what God thinks about our plans…) and therefore be optimistic that we are prepared; looking back we can see (often) WHY things happened the way they did or didn’t and how God used it all.  When we are looking around for a way out (or through) the mess we are in, it’s easy to lose focus, to panic and to throw those “plans” to the wind.

At this moment, we are in the “looking back” stage.  Able to see how God’s hand, His perfect timing, was indeed, PERFECT.  Each season and step He has completely prepared us, even when we begged to move on to the next step, He firmly and lovingly held us back until He was ready.   And that is maddening when you are in the middle of whatever “it” is.  It’s an exercise in TRUST and I must need a lot of practice because I have AMPLE opportunity at working on trusting His plan and not trying to interject my own opinions and efforts.  They inevitably muck it up anyway.

However, as we joyfully celebrate CE’s new job–fulltime, ONE job, (starting in 2 weeks), it’s a blessing to look back and praise His timing and once again, beg forgiveness in a lack of trust.  Again.  An amazing 3 months of summer schedule, nice and easy to re-acclimate to a family of 6 without all the time crunches of the school year and after school activities.  Flexible (though not consistent) work schedules to supplement the family dollar and to acclimate back to the work force as a “worker bee” without the stressors of timelines and important decisions.  A month of school in to gain a foothold on the school routine before adding in a new work routine, slowly adapting to changes as they come.

Patience.  Trust.  Hope in the Lord.  Excruciating in practice.  Daily effort.  Pray without ceasing.  It doesn’t always come easily.  We often must wait.  However, He does reward those who seek Him.  Maybe not in the manner we were hoping for, maybe in a path we never considered, but He always takes care of us in the manner that is best for us.

The more things change, the more they stay the same…or so the saying goes.  It’s been just about 4 months since CE has been home and CLEARLY we are all MUCH better off for it.   In fact, the saying between my hubby and I when we are going through a transitional time, probation speed bump, parenting challenges, etc, etc. is, “It’s better than it was.”  It’s a given that it’s true, but it helps to bring us back to THIS moment, THIS time.  Reminding us that nothing is forever (good or bad) and whatever it is, we WILL get through it.  This past week, we’ve used that phrase ALOT!!  Now that I am returning to a more “normal” state of mind, I was amused with several things that change and yet….they don’t, in a funny little way.

• One of our children (to remain nameless…) has ALWAYS given me a hard time going to sleep.  And with all that her blessed little heart has been through in her short life, it boils down to my enabling her out of self preservation and exhaustion that this maddening pattern continues.  Enter Daddi-O coming home (the FAR more consistent parent) and we are beginning to make strides in breaking habits.  Though not broken yet, he never fails to make me laugh when he references this book when we are having a particularly difficult evening. Now I am FULLY aware how controversial this book is and would NOT speak in this manner to any of our kids, but trust me….between CE and I, it is an instant tension reliever and buys our daughter a little time while I regain composure.  I suppose I may endure the Giant Internet Hand of Spanking for even endorsing this book, but REALLY, it wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so obvious that it’s a rite of passage in parenting in putting children to sleep.  So that’s changing…..and yet, not….
• The girls have had bunk beds in our house since we moved in 2 years ago.  They have the smallest bedroom and logistically, it makes sense.  A month or so before CE came home, they wanted to un-bunk (after viewing their brother’s newly un-bunked room) and so we did.  It left very little room to “play” but was really nice as far as making the bed, tucking in the girls and waking them in the morning, however, after about 6 months of this, they wanted to re-bunk.  And so today back UP they went. The boys’ beds will re-bunk tonight also.  Much roomier all around…now I’ll just have to find the pink paint to touch up the gouge from the UN-bunking since it’s pretty obvious now…..
• The Mass seating order must not be changed.  Ever.  Trust me on this one.  Just don’t.
• Math homework is still way harder for us than the kiddos.  Of course, luck for them Daddi-O has far more patience and endurance in explaining and helping out.  Now this is good timing for the boys, because Algebra and I were NEVER friends.  Ever.  And that’s just not going to change.
• CE still eats a TON, works hard and loses weight.  I get up at 4:45 a.m. to hit the gym and the scale doesn’t budge.  I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with me thinking I can eat, too.  Even though I’m not outside in the heat lugging concrete for hours on end or carpentering and painting…..it’s still a mystery to me…hmmmmm
• The chores still get done.  The lawn still gets mowed.  Eventually.

Sometimes it IS hard to see the forest through the trees.  When you are right in the middle of it.  The big picture, the whole forest, is jumbled up and difficult to comprehend.  This week was one of those weeks.

Dealing with probation is not easy.  For someone who is “used to” the system, that person might have a little more insight and patience in understanding how it all operates.  For someone else who is used to the “real world”, the frustrating motives and hoops necessary to jump through to satisfy the state are beyond mind boggling and maddening.  You just scratch your head and say “WHAT?!?!”  Having insufficiently jumped through a recent hoop, my hubby and I were subjected to a few days of distress, completely at the mercy of the system.  It was enough to send me into a spiral of confusion and depression, questioning my faith and flailing in the interim.  It wasn’t much better for my hubby.  I can assure you, it wasn’t pretty.

However, over these past years, I am beyond blessed to have a strong group of prayer warriors who will pray at the drop of the hat.  Even though my local Christian community is hardly existent, my REAL Christian community has been faithful and true.  This week they prayed FOR me when I couldn’t pray myself.  Offering Scripture encouragement and exhortations, holding my heart in their hands and raising my eyes UP to The One who can handle it all.  It was the most awesome display of the true power of prayer I have experienced in several years.

Through their intercession and guidance I was able to drop every worry (even if only for a short period of time at first) at the foot of The Cross.  “Here, you take it Jesus, I can’t do this anymore.”  It was enough.  To get me back on my feet, to refresh my faith, to restore hope and trust.  Though that peace was threatened again last night with a “routine” house check, a quick shout-out and time in the Psalms provided enough strength to get through and to recover.  This road surely has bumps and hills and valleys still to come, however, I am confident in Christ to guide me, guard me and provide me with what I need along the way. Maybe in time, I’ll even be able to see the forest through the trees.  For now, it’s a take-it-one-day-at-a-time scenario.  Trust and obey.  (for the entire lyrics, click here)

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey. 

and a verse I have heard SEVERAL times this week…….

Romans 8:31 (NIV)

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?