Category Archives: Lessons

January. Ordinary time. Fresh off the heels of an awesome (although shorter) Christmas and Advent season. A season that we decorate our house to the brim in celebration of a sweet baby who came to save us from ourselves. He came to an unwed couple, on a long and dusty journey in a stinky animal shelter. Yep, he nailed our lives right on the head. Imperfect people on a journey surrounded by a world of stinky temptations. He tops it off with the most magnificent light, guiding us straight to HIM, accompanied by wisdom, preparation and love. What a way to start the year!

From Thanksgiving to Epiphany, it’s a month+ long party and celebration!

And so, this morning, as I drink my coffee and enjoy my quiet time, I plan the day and week ahead and pause to look back on last year’s “Resolutions” and to ponder the year ahead. I’m joining in a link up of 2014 with a lovely group of ladies and see that we ALL want a fresh outlook for 2014, each trying to be a better person one day at a time. I’ve joined in at In Honor of Design, however, they are all linked and you can get to a multitude of fantastic sites from there!

Looking back:

Losing weight. Wellllllll, I’ve stayed pretty steady in the actual numbers department, however, I have definitely made a much more focused and consistent effort in actually working out this past year AND healthier dishes, snacks, etc. I’m certain it comes down to portion size and/or stress eating, so always room for improvement. I feel good though, so I’ll just keep on keepin’ on!
More Joy-filled and focused. Hmmm. I’m going to say that I am honestly so task-oriented that the JOY gets lost in the day-to-day. The fact that I am working on it is a good one, the fact that I am less that consistent is yet another area to just keep plugging along, one day at a time.
Use and learn my real camera more often. Fail. Flat out. Although…..I have recently started pinning photo tutorials and joined a photo website (free) with a bajillion tutorials and areas to join in and have work evaluated in a constructive criticism manner. This might just be the year…..

It would seem 2013 was a big fat failure in the resolutions department OR it would seem that it is what it is….life…not always perfect and just taking each day as it comes and try to do a little better the next time. It’s precious time wasted to moan and complain about all the imperfect moments that I wish I woulda/coulda/shoulda done differently. It’s taken me 43 years to figure THAT out and a daily work in progress.

Looking ahead:

My word for this year will be “Be Present”. Okay, that’s two words, but it’s my blog and that’s what I am picking. Rather than changing all these individual things and ideas and re-working the wheel and all, I just want to be present in whatever I am doing. Chilling the Eff out on multi-tasking when I am with my family and friends. If I’m making dinner, I’ll make dinner—not make dinner, start laundry, change clothes and pack lunch for the next day. If I’m talking to my kids or husband, to stay put and talk, not talk and and half-listen while I putter around taking care of a million small details at the same time. It’s going to be hard. No joke. Honestly, I’m going to have to take a couple of days to really think about what I can do to re-train my brain to just SLOW. DOWN.

Looking around:

There it is, though. Now that I am done blogging this out, I can get dinner going…THEN get ready for work. Because TONIGHT we have a game to watch, folks. It’s going to be a great one!

For more inspiration on 2014, go check out IHOD and the multitudes and get ready 2014….here I am!

Snapchat and all that

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I had a few different friends post a recent article on Snapchat and the dangers it poses; you can read the article HERE. I also saw a recent similar article on Catholicmom. (The actual article escapes me, but they regularly have great updated “app” articles to keep me in the loop and are my GO-TO source on all apps and tech stuff). Articles such as these wake me in the middle of the night filled with fear, anxiety and dread. Paralyzing dread and all-kinds of wild, fear-based planning to keep my children cocooned and protected from every hidden danger ever known or unknown. Makes for a super restful sleep. Not.

However, we must LIVE our life. Pray without ceasing and learn from our mistakes and move on to live another day. We must teach our children to do the same thing. No easy task in this day and age of insta-everything with no youthful mistake or regret left undocumented (to which I say daily “Thank you, JESUS, that we did not have the internet when WE were growing up”).

In this techno age there will always be a Snapchat. As soon as we parents catch on and log in, there’s a new app that’s hot and drawing the kids in by droves. We can uninstall, remove tech devices, forbid cable, internet usage, friends, etc, etc, etc. To what extent though? What choices are we left with? We have to do something and whatever we do will have a result, good, bad or ugly. We, as parents, can choose avoidance or we can face it head on. Don’t hide your head in the sand; choose to put on your gear and prepare for battle: protect your children through education and preparation. Agree or disagree or take it with a grain of salt, here’s our approach:

Lead by example. Kids learn by mimicking us. I only need to listen in on a disagreement between kids to hear how I REALLY need to work on my intonation and patience with them. It ain’t pretty. Same goes for tech stuff. If your face is constantly on your phone and every text, status update and ‘Gram is a lead-in for most conversations it might be time to step back. Let me introduce you to the “silent” feature on your phone and/or removing social apps or scaling back. Phone free dinners are mandatory in our house and so is participation in daily “highs and lows”. Sometimes it’s all we can do to get through dinner without a free for all, but expectations are there and are observed.

Knowledge is power and as parents we are called (like it or not) to be abreast of this technology, so dig in and find a few websites to regularly check in and learn about apps and how to navigate them. And for the love of Pete, find a spot to put down all your usernames and passwords, because these apps are like rabbits…the more there are…the more there are.

Communication is key. Regular conversations about life, plugged and un-plugged are key. We don’t home school (and I applaud ALL who can and do) and as a result our kids are privy to a WIDE variety of people, lifestyles and situations in their public schools, friendships and extracurricular activities. Much is cringe-worthy and the teach-able moments are never-ending, however, my personal approach continues to evolve from lecture giver to observer and navigational assistant in managing these moments. A constant work in progress, I assure you. (Hubby is often far more about keeping it simple in explanations: truthful but short and sweet). It’s getting easier for me though and when our 10yo daughter is trying to explain the friendship she has with a sweet boy as a “friend with advantages”, I quickly correct here to the correct phrase of “friends with benefits” and explain that since that means a friend who you have sex with and no special relationship and that is ABSOLUTELY NOT the way to describe THIS friendship, she is at once shocked and understands that sometimes we all need clarification. (In truth, this boy is a friend, who happens to be a boy, that she can talk with like her girlfriends and at 10 it’s such a unique phenomenon she isn’t sure how to classify him. I let her know that “friend” is purely acceptable and applicable.) Would you not be so blunt? Perhaps not. However, I am all about honesty and saying it like it is; beating around the bush is just crap.

Participation and being present. I personally struggle with this in our daily busy-ness. We both work full-time, our kids are in school all day, our oldest works, we have a variety of kid activities, church, etc. It’s busy, from morning coffee to passing out after evening prayers. The importance of chatting about our day (mentioned above during dinner) and addressing any concerns or just planning out dreams and enjoying newfound passions are crucial to a kid’s security and growth. It doesn’t take a whole evening, but a few FOCUSED minutes on a kid speaks volumes for days. You don’t need to look much further than any number of crash and burn famous kid moments (or maybe even some you know personally) to see the link between parent and kiddo is nonexistent or shaky at best.

After a long-story-short, my summary is this:

1. Set the example. Modify Ghandi’s quote to fit your family and “BE the change you want to see in your children/marriage/family”.

2. Stay informed. Be aware. Learn the trends. If we are all about it, it loses its luster and excitement and the shock/thrill loses its power.

3. Talk. Talk. Talk. And then talk some more. Communication is key in marriage, parenting and life and it is CONSTANT.

4. Be present. Listen. Ask. Listen. Learn.

Bottom line is, they are kids. They are navigating childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. They will screw up 1000 times over and they need us present to help them untangle those unfortunate moments of growing up. We can hope they will avoid the bullying, sexting and variety of other fears we know lurk daily and we will do the best we can to protect them. At the end of the day, the education we can provide for them in the school of life is the best chance they have.

Isaiah 41:10

‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
            Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
            I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
            Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

#Affluenza: are you kidding me?

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It seems we’ve come to a whole new low in society, the final fruit of a generation of spoiled children and parents who (it would seem) have failed to set boundaries and actually parent their offspring.

If you aren’t familiar with the story of Ethan Couch in Texas and his attorney’s outrageously SUCCESSFUL plea of Affluenza as a defense in his drunk driving that left FOUR people dead, by all means click HERE or do your own Googling, there’s plenty of fodder. The gist of the story, as I see it, is that there are a group of young people (and for the minute, let’s leave affluence out of this) that steal beer, get drunk, drive and wind up killing 4 people and left 2 with serious injuries. This week the judge in the case sentenced Ethan to 10 years probation and a long-term treatment facility and NO JAIL TIME. Just chew on that a minute. It’s like grizzle, you simply cannot swallow that.

Parents, we have a DUTY to parent our children. Perhaps no one told us,or maybe we just weren’t listening/believing, but the sad fact is that parenting is the hardest flippin’ job EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR. From the time our sweet and precious bundle crosses the threshold of placenta to oxygen it is Game On. No joke. Sleepless nights and sleep-deprived parenting, potty training and 2-year-old defiance parenting, sibling rivalry and sharing parenting, school days and friendship parenting, tween angst and teen independence parenting, college life and young adult parenting and then…..then….then…..we can be friends. First we must parent. That, folks, is a marathon, so best fuel up!!!

Parenting means loving those kids and setting boundaries. Let’s clarify:

bound·a·ry

ˈbound(ə)rē/

noun

plural noun: boundaries

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

Failure to set those boundaries leads to confusion when our kids are trying to figure it out for themselves. I’m not advocating helicopter parenting, however, I AM all for setting up expectations and explanations of WHY we set limits and the consequences and following through. The follow through is the hardest part and the most crucial, otherwise, where is the lesson learned? And lo, there are MANY, MANY lessons to be learned, and some a few times before the lesson is mastered.

Currently, our 8th grader has had a semester of slacking to the max in his math class. Now, it IS an 11th grade math class and we don’t expect an “A”; we DO expect effort. The effort has been lacking to the tune of a D/F which has resulted in some pretty uncomfortable consequences. Those consequences have resulted in 1)renewed focus, 2)more attentive and interactive child, 3)renewed vigor on task, 4)completed assignments, 5)increased understanding, 6) D/F to a C and 7)mature and tremendous communication among us and our son. It’s a challenge and sadly, we’ve done this last year and apparently we have short-term memory in this house at times and need to repeat lessons, however, as seen with our 10th grader….they DO learn, apply and adjust with much fruit to be shown. Like I said earlier, it’s flippin’ hard; parenting is hard.

In the words of Nike, JUST DO IT. and then do it again. and again. and again.

Otherwise, we will have more BS “Affluenza” nonsense diagnoses to deal with rather than just calling a spade a spade. If you mess up, there are consequences and if you REALLY mess up….there are REAL consequences.

Ethan (like MANY before him) made a terrible and tragic choice that dealt consequences that he will deal with mentally for the rest of his life. Sadly, his consequences aren’t much different from the coddling that led to his poor choices. Mamas and Papas, come on, let us ALL buckle down and hold our kids accountable for the choices they make, because Lord knows the mess we are in for when we don’t.

Galations 6:7-9

⁷Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.⁸For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. ⁹Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

The marathon that is sobriety

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I had the blessing of attending a gratitude dinner with my Hubs this weekend for AA. It was an area-wide event and easily attended by 200+ people. Tables of 8, dinner of Thanksgiving foods (appropriately themed) and a desert table groaning under the redonkulous amounts of sugar and butter. It was a pleasure to put faces to names of the Hubs friends, just fantastic people. A few observances of mine throughout the evening:

Coffee. Water. Lots and lots of coffee and water.
Laughter. Smiles. Tons. No grumpy, long faces. Joy.
Introductions everywhere (thank God for nametags!)
Rekindled friendships.

There was a speaker who gave his story of 30+ years of sobriety. A lovely, 70-something man with at times an emotionally shaky voice as he recalled his life, peppered with witty comments and hindsight observances. There was no “massive event” in his life that is present in many alcoholic stories (and drug stories); mainly a life of alcohol-centered living, obnoxious behavior and a wife (and family) that had enough. His message: there doesn’t need to be a “massive event” to stop drinking, but if you have repeated comments, suggestions, pleas from family and friends to “do something about your drinking”, it’s a red flag. Sadly, not everyone sees it until it is too late.

At the end of the evening there was a sobriety countdown. Starting with the most years sober (52) and counting down to the shortest span of sobriety (2 days). It was humbling, impressive and hopeful and I found myself tearing up and that marathon that those with the least sobriety had ahead of them and yet with the amazing support in that room……hopeful in that they had every tool available to them to take each day….one day at a time.

Sadly, we did not win the 50/50 drawing…shucks!!! $350!!! However, I sure came away richer than I arrived.

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

making the trek

Trekking through life: Faith, family, friends and a whole lot of coffee!

Category Archives: Lessons

Trading earth’s cross for heaven’s crown

Looking back, looking ahead and looking around

Snapchat and all that

#Affluenza: are you kidding me?

The marathon that is sobriety