Tag Archives: kids

Snapchat and all that

I had a few different friends post a recent article on Snapchat and the dangers it poses; you can read the article HERE. I also saw a recent similar article on Catholicmom. (The actual article escapes me, but they regularly have great updated “app” articles to keep me in the loop and are my GO-TO source on all apps and tech stuff). Articles such as these wake me in the middle of the night filled with fear, anxiety and dread. Paralyzing dread and all-kinds of wild, fear-based planning to keep my children cocooned and protected from every hidden danger ever known or unknown. Makes for a super restful sleep. Not.

However, we must LIVE our life. Pray without ceasing and learn from our mistakes and move on to live another day. We must teach our children to do the same thing. No easy task in this day and age of insta-everything with no youthful mistake or regret left undocumented (to which I say daily “Thank you, JESUS, that we did not have the internet when WE were growing up”).

In this techno age there will always be a Snapchat. As soon as we parents catch on and log in, there’s a new app that’s hot and drawing the kids in by droves. We can uninstall, remove tech devices, forbid cable, internet usage, friends, etc, etc, etc. To what extent though? What choices are we left with? We have to do something and whatever we do will have a result, good, bad or ugly. We, as parents, can choose avoidance or we can face it head on. Don’t hide your head in the sand; choose to put on your gear and prepare for battle: protect your children through education and preparation. Agree or disagree or take it with a grain of salt, here’s our approach:

Lead by example. Kids learn by mimicking us. I only need to listen in on a disagreement between kids to hear how I REALLY need to work on my intonation and patience with them. It ain’t pretty. Same goes for tech stuff. If your face is constantly on your phone and every text, status update and ‘Gram is a lead-in for most conversations it might be time to step back. Let me introduce you to the “silent” feature on your phone and/or removing social apps or scaling back. Phone free dinners are mandatory in our house and so is participation in daily “highs and lows”. Sometimes it’s all we can do to get through dinner without a free for all, but expectations are there and are observed.

Knowledge is power and as parents we are called (like it or not) to be abreast of this technology, so dig in and find a few websites to regularly check in and learn about apps and how to navigate them. And for the love of Pete, find a spot to put down all your usernames and passwords, because these apps are like rabbits…the more there are…the more there are.

Communication is key. Regular conversations about life, plugged and un-plugged are key. We don’t home school (and I applaud ALL who can and do) and as a result our kids are privy to a WIDE variety of people, lifestyles and situations in their public schools, friendships and extracurricular activities. Much is cringe-worthy and the teach-able moments are never-ending, however, my personal approach continues to evolve from lecture giver to observer and navigational assistant in managing these moments. A constant work in progress, I assure you. (Hubby is often far more about keeping it simple in explanations: truthful but short and sweet). It’s getting easier for me though and when our 10yo daughter is trying to explain the friendship she has with a sweet boy as a “friend with advantages”, I quickly correct here to the correct phrase of “friends with benefits” and explain that since that means a friend who you have sex with and no special relationship and that is ABSOLUTELY NOT the way to describe THIS friendship, she is at once shocked and understands that sometimes we all need clarification. (In truth, this boy is a friend, who happens to be a boy, that she can talk with like her girlfriends and at 10 it’s such a unique phenomenon she isn’t sure how to classify him. I let her know that “friend” is purely acceptable and applicable.) Would you not be so blunt? Perhaps not. However, I am all about honesty and saying it like it is; beating around the bush is just crap.

Participation and being present. I personally struggle with this in our daily busy-ness. We both work full-time, our kids are in school all day, our oldest works, we have a variety of kid activities, church, etc. It’s busy, from morning coffee to passing out after evening prayers. The importance of chatting about our day (mentioned above during dinner) and addressing any concerns or just planning out dreams and enjoying newfound passions are crucial to a kid’s security and growth. It doesn’t take a whole evening, but a few FOCUSED minutes on a kid speaks volumes for days. You don’t need to look much further than any number of crash and burn famous kid moments (or maybe even some you know personally) to see the link between parent and kiddo is nonexistent or shaky at best.

After a long-story-short, my summary is this:

1. Set the example. Modify Ghandi’s quote to fit your family and “BE the change you want to see in your children/marriage/family”.

2. Stay informed. Be aware. Learn the trends. If we are all about it, it loses its luster and excitement and the shock/thrill loses its power.

3. Talk. Talk. Talk. And then talk some more. Communication is key in marriage, parenting and life and it is CONSTANT.

4. Be present. Listen. Ask. Listen. Learn.

Bottom line is, they are kids. They are navigating childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. They will screw up 1000 times over and they need us present to help them untangle those unfortunate moments of growing up. We can hope they will avoid the bullying, sexting and variety of other fears we know lurk daily and we will do the best we can to protect them. At the end of the day, the education we can provide for them in the school of life is the best chance they have.

Isaiah 41:10

‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
            Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
            I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
            Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

7 Christmas QTs

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Linking up at Jen’s Blog today so that she has some reading material while she is under the weather. Moms really aren’t allowed to get sick, so I am always baffled when we do. Baffled.

Hoping Christmas was lovely for you and if not perfect, hopefully you found some moments to hold tight to….like I did. Ours was a great Christmas, however, for the first time in our family, I felt a shift. The shift of teens in the house and only 1 of 4 still blessedly smitten with Santa, the Elf and the whole shabang. It was subtle, but it was there. Compound “the shift” with having done our family dinner with the in-laws on Christmas Eve and grandparents and step-dad having come and gone after breakfast, mom and sis out of town, and zero plans for anything EXCEPT relaxing and enjoying the day……I was in a constant state of post-Advent Zombie-ness (if there is such a thing). Aimless. Lost. Shuffling. A month of bustling and scurrying to and fro to a sudden halt……what does one DO with that? I mean, WTH?!?!? Clearly a 2014 goal needs to be getting comfortable with relaxation and learning to embrace that idea. Anyhoo, it WAS lovely…Advent was wonderful and we are so very blessed to be together and loved and healthy and happy; there is nothing to complain about, because it’s ALL good.

Traditiona Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls for breakfast. So flippin' delish!

Traditional Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls for breakfast. So flippin’ delish!

Our tree. Pre-present carnage. Simply the best morning light, I’m not sure what I will do after our tree is down….it’s an essential part of my morning coffee and Daily Readings.

The Hubs on video, videoing me taking a picture of him.

This kid. 16 and questioning everything, BUT….he opted for Midnight Mass with his brother and I versus 11 a.m. Christmas Mass with Dad and the girls. MM wore us all out. He and the cat caught a few winks after presents. Smart kid.

Next year she will be in Middle school. THIS year she put Zebra cakes on her list for Santa and he came through. That will never happen again. 10 is an awesome age, is it not?

Headbanz. Christmas games and camaraderie. Love these moments.

When I don’t have anyone coming for dinner, I don’t focus. I misread the brisket times and well…..Christmas dinner was scrambled eggs and toast and PIE! Christmas dinner was served on the 26th and a total winner. Worth the wait. We’ll call it a win, even though it was a day late!

That wraps it up for today. As usual, I am going to be rushing to get out the door in time for work, so enjoy the day!! P.S. for those of you without cable, may I suggest Chromecast? The Hubs got it figured out yesterday and SO. COOL.

Blessings!!

#Affluenza: are you kidding me?

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It seems we’ve come to a whole new low in society, the final fruit of a generation of spoiled children and parents who (it would seem) have failed to set boundaries and actually parent their offspring.

If you aren’t familiar with the story of Ethan Couch in Texas and his attorney’s outrageously SUCCESSFUL plea of Affluenza as a defense in his drunk driving that left FOUR people dead, by all means click HERE or do your own Googling, there’s plenty of fodder. The gist of the story, as I see it, is that there are a group of young people (and for the minute, let’s leave affluence out of this) that steal beer, get drunk, drive and wind up killing 4 people and left 2 with serious injuries. This week the judge in the case sentenced Ethan to 10 years probation and a long-term treatment facility and NO JAIL TIME. Just chew on that a minute. It’s like grizzle, you simply cannot swallow that.

Parents, we have a DUTY to parent our children. Perhaps no one told us,or maybe we just weren’t listening/believing, but the sad fact is that parenting is the hardest flippin’ job EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR. From the time our sweet and precious bundle crosses the threshold of placenta to oxygen it is Game On. No joke. Sleepless nights and sleep-deprived parenting, potty training and 2-year-old defiance parenting, sibling rivalry and sharing parenting, school days and friendship parenting, tween angst and teen independence parenting, college life and young adult parenting and then…..then….then…..we can be friends. First we must parent. That, folks, is a marathon, so best fuel up!!!

Parenting means loving those kids and setting boundaries. Let’s clarify:

bound·a·ry

ˈbound(ə)rē/

noun

plural noun: boundaries

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

Failure to set those boundaries leads to confusion when our kids are trying to figure it out for themselves. I’m not advocating helicopter parenting, however, I AM all for setting up expectations and explanations of WHY we set limits and the consequences and following through. The follow through is the hardest part and the most crucial, otherwise, where is the lesson learned? And lo, there are MANY, MANY lessons to be learned, and some a few times before the lesson is mastered.

Currently, our 8th grader has had a semester of slacking to the max in his math class. Now, it IS an 11th grade math class and we don’t expect an “A”; we DO expect effort. The effort has been lacking to the tune of a D/F which has resulted in some pretty uncomfortable consequences. Those consequences have resulted in 1)renewed focus, 2)more attentive and interactive child, 3)renewed vigor on task, 4)completed assignments, 5)increased understanding, 6) D/F to a C and 7)mature and tremendous communication among us and our son. It’s a challenge and sadly, we’ve done this last year and apparently we have short-term memory in this house at times and need to repeat lessons, however, as seen with our 10th grader….they DO learn, apply and adjust with much fruit to be shown. Like I said earlier, it’s flippin’ hard; parenting is hard.

In the words of Nike, JUST DO IT. and then do it again. and again. and again.

Otherwise, we will have more BS “Affluenza” nonsense diagnoses to deal with rather than just calling a spade a spade. If you mess up, there are consequences and if you REALLY mess up….there are REAL consequences.

Ethan (like MANY before him) made a terrible and tragic choice that dealt consequences that he will deal with mentally for the rest of his life. Sadly, his consequences aren’t much different from the coddling that led to his poor choices. Mamas and Papas, come on, let us ALL buckle down and hold our kids accountable for the choices they make, because Lord knows the mess we are in for when we don’t.

Galations 6:7-9

⁷Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.⁸For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. ⁹Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

WIWS and other weekend craziness

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Full shot

I’ve not linked up with the fashionably forward ladies at FLAP in a while, but to be fair, I haven’t been blogging a ton lately. Life is fully back into school and activities mode and there are only so many hours in the day. You KNOW this, I know. That’s the truth and I’m just getting it in when I can.

Aaaaaaaand, our oldest girl and I went thrifting yesterday and I simply HAD to share my outfit. Thrift winning!

This is me showing you: my fave necklace, shirt detailing and MY HAIR. I actually did my hair. Looks the same right? Yep. That’s why I don’t really do my hair. It always looks the same to me. Whatever.

Outfit Details:

Pants…just love the pinstriping (?) is that what it is…khaki and brown. Can’t go wrong there. $1

Shirt….Love. This. Shirt. All of my colors and super sassy. $2

Shoes….Aerosoles, BROWN, slides and $2. yes, thank you.

Jewelry: not thrifted, but some pieces my beloved Lia Sophia collection. Call me sucker.

For other weekend news:

Friday night after work and kid pickup/dropoff/pickup/pickup, Hubby and I went to a 50th birthday dinner. The couple goes to our church and he wanted to do his signature BBQ ribs to celebrate. In. Had me at BBQ and me not cooking. We also met a few other folks from church there (although I only remember about 2 names…I do poorly in large groups) and our associate priest was there as well. It was a really nice time, great food, good conversation and just so nice to FINALLY be socializing with people from church OUTSIDE church. It only took 10 years. Whatever, that’s a whole other post simmering….

Saturday was thrifting and cleaning. Productive AND fun.

Today I helped our 6th grader do her Science Experiment for her Science project due next week. I was the photographer. At Mass our 8th grader was recognized for his accomplishment in making All State Orchestra for his French Horn. It’s been a big weekend.

Now swing by the FLAP girls and check out the rest of the ladies!

Happy Veteran’s Day and have a great week!

Blessings!!

making the trek

Trekking through life: Faith, family, friends and a whole lot of coffee!