Category Archives: Marriage

So THAT’S how I talk…

A while back I agreed to do an interview with Pat Gohn from the Among Women pod cast. She’s a wonderful speaker (voice like butter!) and I always enjoy her pod casts: part women Saints history and the other part an interview with various women on various topics. I love getting a glimpse into other people’s lives, their faith walk and how they incorporate their faith into this world. Her program feeds my “spiritual voyeurism” and encourages me to keep on keepin’ on. We all need that from time to time, don’t we? Back to the interview…..she asked me to speak about MY faith and how it was tested, evolved and sustained me through our own trials. For some reason I agreed. Completely out of my comfort zone, I assure you. However, I had prayed for a long time that if our suffering and faith walk were ever to be a comfort and encouragement to others, than “Lord, here I am”.

Pat was amazing. Having NEVER done anything like this in my life, she guided me each step of the way. Beginning with a draft AND a word count (sheesh!), she edited my story showing me where to fill in the holes. Once I got going, I didn’t worry about the word count, the story wrote itself. We Skyped a couple of times to go over things and prep and then came the interview. It was like chatting with a dear friend over coffee, which is exactly as she wants it to feel. HOW does she do that???

In the end, the show was aired this week. I listened yesterday and once I stopped counting my “uh’s and umm’s” (a public speaking gig I won’t be pursuing any time soon) I listened. And relived. And stepped out of myself. And praised God for a wonderful work that He has done in our family. (and continues to do so daily) I also realized that I need to get back to THAT place of prayer and faith that I purely lived in heart, mind and soul for so long. I hope it was somewhat of a tribute to how God blessed us so amazingly with family and friends in our life willing to do His work for us. It really does take a village and our family, our children, have been blessed mightily in spite of this period of difficulty.

So cling to Him. He will deliver you. Today’s Readings are of Esther asking for God to put the words in her mouth to release her people. She gives Him full reign, full obedience. Waiting on direction. The Psalms remind us that when we call on the Lord, He DOES hear us. We are to trust. And in the Gospel according to Matthew, Jesus reminds us to ask, seek and the door will be opened. And if even we as earthly parents give our children what the ask for can we even IMAGINE what God can do for us. I’m here to tell you, it’s true. Every bit. It’s a huge step in faith. Easy to say, but that first step is a doozy and won’t be one you regret.

Blessings!

Wrapping up the week…

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Friday and since I am on a roll, I figured I would once again participate in 7 Quick Takes with lots of other people! You can check in over @ Betty Beguiles for all kinds of fun, weekly reports from all over the world!

I’ve started reading the Hunger Games. The fact that I can come up with 6 other things while getting sucked into this book is amazing in itself. yes. I just called myself amazing.
After getting the new and revised football schedule for our son I was able to hammer down some plans to visit with friends and my sister in our old town in a couple of weeks. While I’m there, I’ll get to see the daughter of a good friend play the lead in “To Kill a Mockingbird”. And get to visit with my sis and some friends. Bonus! This particular weekend actually has friends out-of-town and other activities so the group is much smaller, but sometimes God plans it that way and I’m trying real hard to stop second guessing Him. His plans are generally far more awesome than mine anyway.
Speaking of football, Hubby was able to get our son a new smaller helmet and boy did that make ALL the difference for our boy. He came home a different kid. Being the first year of “tackle football” after many years of “flag” it’s been a little eye-opening and my whole reasoning of steering AWAY from tackle all these years has been affirmed. My boy is bruised, sweaty, tired, learning to deal with hydration and migraines if not hydrated. and he LOVES it. OY! What’s a mama to do??? I bought him a bigger water bottle/jug and am ready to cheer him on next weekend at his first game–double header. GO SHARKS! (I’ll just keep my whining and fear under my cap…..)
Good exercising this week. Even snuck in a walk with Hubby tonight. In between refereeing bickering girls we even got to chat some. Now that’s good stuff. After celebrating our first Valentine’s day together in YEARS, it’s been a good week. To say the least.
Made a DEE-LISH ham and bean soup this week in the crock pot. Love. The. Crock-Pot!! The kicker is that I actually remembered to soak the beans overnight. it was a hit with all but one child (who has pretty consistently always been the picky eater of the family. ah, his loss) oh. and the recipe? Totally winged it. Did I say I was amazing? 😉 well, if I can replicate it….than believe it! To be continued….
I have a few new followers this week. WOO hoo! Almost to 20! I would love to really sit down and write/blog more regularly, but HOLY COW, it takes time. effort. patience. I am lacking in all areas. Kudos to you writers out there! However, I do have a couple “mental health days” I am taking off of work and I wonder if I will get any writing/blogging done or just put the smack down on chores and errands. Right now I think God has me right where He wants me and if He wants me to blog more, that window will open, for now it’s good practice!
Our friends are coming to visit this weekend! So exciting!! My husband’s fraternity brother and his wife and their two boys. We’ve known each other since college, but MB and I became close these past few years while Hubby was away. And I am so grateful for God’s timing in this friendship. What a gem. There is something intimately comforting when you can share your heart and the Lord with a dear friend. And she most definitely is one! The forecast is for rainy weather but I think we will figure something out. Looking forward to catching up and relaxing!

Happy Friday to all! God Bless!

Marriage. Real life.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage vows and the reality of marriage. What better day to “discuss” it than Valentine’s Day!

I thought I’d share my perspective on marriage and wedding vows and real life. I chose the traditional vows that we so easily parrot during our wedding ceremony, but rarely contemplate the gravity of until later in marriage, sometimes too late. (perhaps this is why people write their own vows, they put more thought into them…but when you are 24….it’s hard to come up with something so incredibly meaningful. at least it was for us. maybe you are different. good for you. <clap, clap> we went with the “why re-invent the wheel” attitude). Either way, there are the vows and then there is life AFTER the vows.

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend FRIEND. We are to be each other’s friend. Sharing in daily comings and goings, joys and sorrows, hopes and dreams, laughing together and holding each other up on the down days. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy girl’s night out or boy’s golf day, just make sure you are each other’s friend in the process. It’s a two way street it takes effort otherwise you’ll end up roommates in no time flat. Because guess what? You WILL grow apart. You WILL have different interests and opinions. And that’s OK. Look at Mary Matalin and James Carville for crying out loud, they mix politics and marriage. Loudly. And they make it work. Respect each other’s opinions and differences and that friendship will blossom. And it is GOOD.
my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. FAITHFUL. LOVE. Unless you are a polygamist (which by the way is against the law), when you took the step to be married to ONE person, it doesn’t mean feel free to shop around at work, the gym, the grocery store, etc. Again, like the friendship vow, it’s a two way street. Communicate, cultivate and protect that love, don’t put yourself in situations that may tempt your faithfulness and if you aren’t sure you can stay faithful then don’t take the walk down the aisle. Better some disappointed parents and friends than a miserable marriage and divorce. Bottom line, it takes effort. Remember that you loved each other to become husband and wife and that is important to remember when you don’t see eye to eye and the grass starts to look a little greener on the other side. and from time to time, it will. true words.
In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, Yup, right there in FRONT OF GOD and everyone, you are PROMISING to take care of each OTHER. You don’t live at home anymore, so don’t be expecting Mama to come over and soothe your issues. Fact is: Sickness comes. Flu. Broken bones. Slipped discs. Knee surgery. Addictions. Weight gain. Migraines. Fatigue. Depression. Cancer. You name it. It’s out there. Some of us are born caregivers, some of us are wimpy sick people. Be loving. Be kind. No one is exempt. It’s life and when it’s your turn to be sick you will want to be loved and gently cared for. Lead by example. Lead in hope that good things come back around. You know what they say about Karma.
in good times and in bad, We all have good days and bad days. Shiz happens. It’s great to have a sounding board to come home to. Someone to bounce your stuff to and who can give some outside views on what’s happening. For me, my husband has great insight into my work drama/friend dilemmas/issues I’m struggling with and how to better handle things..not that I always agree in the heat of the venting session, but there is always food for thought. He keeps me grounded. When it’s good, it’s so very, very good and when you can share goodness it multiplies.
and in joy as well as in sorrow. There is balance in everything. Sadness is inevitable and joy comes in return. We all mourn differently and there’s a learning curve in dealing with emotional difficulties. Just breathe. In and out. Some of the most amazing marriages I know have weathered immense sorrow. together. lean on me. when you’re not strong.
I promise to love you unconditionally, No strings attached. Not if you do “this” for me or buy me “this” or take me “here”. Unconditional. Good bad and ugly. And there is ugly. Especially with morning breath and bedhead.
to support you in your goals, Even if those goals aren’t your goals. Even if that means you give up some nights or weekends while striving for those goals. Even if you have to cut back on some vacations and luxury items to meet those goals. Teamwork pays off.
to honor and respect you, to listen when you speak. to look you in the eyes. to look into your heart. to stand up for you when you are badmouthed. to applaud your accomplishments.
to laugh with you and cry with you, laughter makes the heart grow fonder and sharing tears splits the sorrow down the middle. it strengthens your relationship when you can share life together and come out the other side. ALL of it.
and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. and maybe you will be like one of my many patients who boast of 63 year marriages, 74 year marriages, 52 year marriages. as they walk out hand in hand. walker to walker. unhurried. in love. after all those years. What a blessing when I come across them.

Marriage is hard. Every day is a journey. Pick the right “one” and you are blessed. It ain’t for the faint of heart, so dig in, grab on and hold on. It’s a crazy life out there and it’s way more fun when you can share it with someone you live your vows with.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Goals. Part 1: Those pesky finances

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In a recent post of mine, I outlined a set of ~~resolutions~~ goals that I want to focus on for this coming year. After reading my friend’s post on GOALS, I loved that term and along with the original blog I read HERE on how to successfully manage and keep ~~resolutions~~ goals, I have begun to attack them.

Having had the house purse strings in my total control for 7+ years I am happy to hand them back to my hubby. And I am reluctant. As we navigated those dark and murky waters of change several years ago and I went from a happy-go-lucky, stay-at-home mama to a night shift, full-time worker balancing family, sleep and work (in that order) I also had to have a quick lesson on family finances. ICK! Despising the checkbook and the whole organizing of bills, it was a chore I was thrilled to have nothing to do with for most of our marriage, happily acquiescing to my hubby all financial decisions–it’s his strong point, not mine. However, once it was necessary, I realized how foolish I was to have kept my head in the sand for so long. What a burden for one person to carry alone. It was a conversation we never had with small children running around, one I never found important nor interesting. Stupid girl. Until it was important. It occurred to me how many friends I had/have in this situation and it was one I vow to not find myself in again. It’s crucial to running a household and marriage, to be on the same page; balancing the budget sucks, however, to live within one’s means it’s imperative to know what’s coming in and what goes out. In these past years of economic downturn, I am sure many, many people have learned this lesson the hard way. Like me. The left hand MUST know what the right hand is doing.

I did an OK job for the first 5 years of hubby’s incarceration. We were with my parents and I was able to keep debt to a minimum or nil. After buying our house a couple of years ago, expenses began to creep up and in and while nothing was ever late or unpaid, the debt grew. Extravagance wasn’t an issue, just 4 kiddos and LIFE. It is what it is. And now it’s time to dig out.

Fast forward to 2012, and after having hubby home for 6 months and working, we are both in a good spiritual and mental place to discuss finances. Lay it all open. Full disclosure. I looked forward to it as much as pulling off a band-aid. But it is necessary to be united in this area. Finances are widely known to be a MAJOR factor in marital discord and we’ve had enough of that for a long while, thank you. Time to address the elephant in the room:

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.

So we laid it out, put it on an Excel sheet (TypeA hubby), and have the beginnings of our “plan” to start chipping away. It won’t be overnight. It’s going to take some discipline. I’ll tell you what though, it is an enormous weight off my shoulders to have faced that beast and shared that burden. I know everyone has their own system and you do what works. For us though, we share it all: income and expense. For us, that’s what works. And we march forward. How about you? Head in the sand or fully aware? It’s a difficult topic and generally finances are off-limits as a discussion. Unfortunately, I think that’s one of the reasons our economy got to be where it is, no one discusses finances.

Now onto tackling the remainder of the ~~resolutions~~ goals. Quiet time in prayer and Health. To be continued…..

making the trek

Trekking through life: Faith, family, friends and a whole lot of coffee!