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#Affluenza: are you kidding me?

It seems we’ve come to a whole new low in society, the final fruit of a generation of spoiled children and parents who (it would seem) have failed to set boundaries and actually parent their offspring.

If you aren’t familiar with the story of Ethan Couch in Texas and his attorney’s outrageously SUCCESSFUL plea of Affluenza as a defense in his drunk driving that left FOUR people dead, by all means click HERE or do your own Googling, there’s plenty of fodder.   The gist of the story, as I see it, is that there are a group of young people (and for the minute, let’s leave affluence out of this) that steal beer, get drunk, drive and wind up killing 4 people and left 2 with serious injuries.  This week the judge in the case sentenced Ethan to 10 years probation and a long-term treatment facility and NO JAIL TIME.  Just chew on that a minute.  It’s like grizzle, you simply cannot swallow that.

Parents, we have a DUTY to parent our children.  Perhaps no one told us,or maybe we just weren’t listening/believing, but the sad fact is that parenting is the hardest flippin’ job EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR.  From the time our sweet and precious bundle crosses the threshold of placenta to oxygen it is Game On.  No joke.  Sleepless nights and sleep-deprived  parenting, potty training and 2-year-old defiance parenting, sibling rivalry and sharing parenting, school days and friendship parenting, tween angst and teen independence parenting, college life and young adult parenting and then…..then….then…..we can be friends.  First we must parent.  That, folks, is a marathon, so best fuel up!!!

Parenting means loving those kids and setting boundaries.  Let’s clarify:

bound·a·ry
ˈbound(ə)rē/
noun
plural noun: boundaries
a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
Failure to set those boundaries leads to confusion when our kids are trying to figure it out for themselves.  I’m not advocating helicopter parenting, however, I AM all for setting up expectations and explanations of WHY we set limits and the consequences and following through.  The follow through is the hardest part and the most crucial, otherwise, where is the lesson learned?  And lo, there are MANY, MANY lessons to be learned, and some a few times before the lesson is mastered.
Currently, our 8th grader has had a semester of slacking to the max in his math class.  Now, it IS an 11th grade math class and we don’t expect an “A”; we DO expect effort.  The effort has been lacking to the tune of a D/F which has resulted in some pretty uncomfortable consequences.  Those consequences have resulted in 1)renewed focus, 2)more attentive and interactive child, 3)renewed vigor on task, 4)completed assignments, 5)increased understanding, 6) D/F to a C and 7)mature and tremendous communication among us and our son. It’s a challenge and sadly, we’ve done this last year and apparently we have short-term memory in this house at times and need to repeat lessons, however, as seen with our 10th grader….they DO learn, apply and adjust with much fruit to be shown.  Like I said earlier, it’s flippin’ hard; parenting is hard.
In the words of Nike,  JUST DO IT.  and then do it again.  and again.  and again.
Otherwise, we will have more BS “Affluenza” nonsense diagnoses to deal with rather than just calling a spade a spade.  If you mess up, there are consequences and if you REALLY mess up….there are REAL consequences.
Ethan (like MANY before him) made a terrible and tragic choice that dealt consequences that he will deal with mentally for the rest of his life.  Sadly, his consequences aren’t much different from the coddling that led to his poor choices.  Mamas and Papas, come on, let us ALL buckle down and hold our kids accountable for the choices they make, because Lord knows the mess we are in for when we don’t.
Galations 6:7-9
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Volun-cheer

Once upon a time, long, long ago….I volunteered.  A lot. ” Pre-kids”  volunteering  in the Junior League, up to 2 kids and still the league and then onto the schools.  I enjoyed it.  Stepping out of my “box”, helping, guiding, building, painting, serving, I really enjoyed it.  Then, along came a couple more kiddos and back to working outside the home and ‘POOF’ went the volunteering (although I did get some kindergarten hours in for each kiddie).

Life was so busy I never missed it.  Who had time??  To tell the truth, I don’t even feel guilty anymore when there’s a table of volunteer sheets waiting to be filled, I just glance and walk on by.  This season of my life “no” is acceptable.  It is a word I’ve grown used to using.

When our daughter’s cheer competition was a couple of weeks away I had a lapse in reality and agreed to help out at the all-day event.  (The added bonus of not only being able to interact with our girl throughout the day, but getting in for free, free reign of the whole place,  and FREE food–breakfast, coffee, lunch and beverages–SCORE!)  What can I say, I’m a sucker for FREE (and my girl).

The downside of this volunteer role:  having to be at the civic center @ 6:15 a.m.  On a Sunday no less.  It’s a 20-25 minute ride.  However, apparently all the lights are on sensor triggers at that time because we had nothing but green the whole way.  Putting me there right on time since I left at my usual 15 minutes later than planned.

The cool side of this volunteer role:  I forgot how much volunteers contribute to making things run.  Holy moly.  It was fun to see all the different jobs taking place, but I absolutely had the best one…..”Tour Guide,/Line Leader” for the cheer squads.  Bringing our daughter’s squad to book check, pictures, stretch, warm up and then the hallway of hell prior to watching them perform from the floor was the best.  Encouraging these girls who’ve worked so hard for months, calming nerves, handing out hugs and celebrating after a great performance was just too rich.  Escorting two other groups through, one squad of 1st graders and another of high schoolers was less-emotionally involved but no less heart-warming and fun with the silliness of 6 year olds and 16 year olds.

At the end of the day, my ears definitely lost a few decibels of range and I really, reaLLY, REALLY don’t need to hear Katy Perry “Roar” any time soon, but it was good.  Very good.  I’m not saying I’ll be Mrs. Volunteer of the Year anytime soon, but I may actually linger a little longer over those volunteer papers next time.  Maybe.  Just maybe.

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

One day we will miss this

Our Warrior photobombing the Neighbor's Ice Cream Mascot's photo.

Our Warrior photobombing the Neighbor’s Ice Cream Mascot’s photo.

Taking a cue from my dear friend, D, whose daughters are grown and spread their wings…..one day all this noise and crazy will be over and we will miss it.  So, when we have a super crazy day or week or season, I try to remember this.  Today it was my mantra.

Starting at 5:30 a.m. with my coffee and wake up

6 a.m. waking 2 of 4 kiddos

Leaving house at 7:15 with our youngest son for him to assume his position as school mascot at a “Mascot Breakfast” prior to our town’s parade and fall family festival

Hubby takes our youngest daughter to her game for cheer at 7:45 a.m.

I take our mascot to meet his school band where he assumes his role as Band Captain for the parade.

Oldest son heads out for a day of skateboarding with friends.

Parade ends and we head home about 11.

I take our oldest daughter across town to hit the beach with a friend and her family and then go grocery shopping.

Hubby brings youngest home to prep for a birthday party.

Hubby goes for  a 20 mile bike ride (he’s training for a November triathlon).

I run youngest daughter to birthday party.

It’s only 1 p.m.

Youngest son goes for a bike ride with friends.

Now, if you’ve done the math and followed carefully you will see what happened here this day.

NO.  KIDS.  IN.  THE.  HOUSE.

FOR.   TWO.  HOURS.

Guess what we did?

Napped.

***Disclaimer:  don’t feel too sorry for me, because in between the parade drop off and parade start I had an hour to kill and promptly hit Target, Starbucks and chatted with my girlfriend on the phone for a lengthy and overdue chat (in fact I talked to TWO girlfriends at length today) and then went to dinner with my mom and my sister who were both in town.  Therefore, it was a crazy and well-executed start to the day, but a grand, grand finish!

Dinner on the water with these two awesome beauties?  Yes, please!

Dinner on the water with these two awesome beauties? Yes, please!

Put on the armor

An interesting conversation with a 69 -year-old  patient the other day; father to a 17-year-old girl and 3-9 year olds.  (You do the math)  The theme of the conversation was on protecting our kids.  His word:  shielding.

Same day, extremely disturbing article on kids and porn and their exposure to it and how it is corrupting “normal”.  Read at your own risk.  But read it.    Don’t think that because it’s from the UK it doesn’t apply to you.  It does.  I would paraphrase the article, but Martin Daubney says it all….

imgres

yes, please. I’ll take 4.

It was enough for me to shock our 16-year-old by asking if he was looking at porn on his phone.  Then to follow-up with the “have you ever?” question.  Awkward?  yup.  Necessary?  Absolutely.  The end of the conversation?  No way, no how.

 

Our kids are good.  I don’t wish them to be exposed to anything like this.  Ever.  However, I’m realistic and I’d rather be proactive and have the conversations than to let them navigate it on their own.  Talk about why porn is so destructive.  Talk about why we must fight hard against objectifiying women.  The cold hard reality is, we can’t wait for this conversation.  Like drugs, alcohol and bullying, this must be an ongoing conversation.  Shield all you want, but I want my kids armed and prepared…equipped against this battle that threatens their hearts and souls and bodies.

If we can’t be open and discuss the evils in this world, we better build a fortress or prepare for heartache.  It’s a new and scary world out there and as parents, we are called to be involved or reap the consequences.

Ephesians 6:10-18

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against [a]flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 [b]in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 [c]With all prayer and petition [d]pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, [e]be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,

***Bible verse, New American Standard Bible version

7 super quickety quick takes

Joining Jen and gangster bloggers for the 7QTS this week!!  Woop Woop!

And so in my usual bon-bon fashion….I am leaving myself with 6 whopping minutes to post this before I need to get ready for work.  Fortunately, I’ve showered, eaten and my lunch is mostly ready.  Ready set GO:

1.  This week I flipped back to old school style planner.  Paper.  Pens.  Pencils.  Still love my iPhone calendar, but I’m a tactile person and I need paper.  My anxiety is decreasing already….this will do until I find something super purty…feel free to leave your suggestions in the combox!

IMG_5024

2.  This past weekend (Sunday) counts as the week start correct?  We did a huge ole bed swap…our bunk beds to the neighbors (below right) and my girlfriend’s daughters trundle to our girls (below left) and my girlfriend’s daughter moved a futon into her room for hang/sleep/teen stuff (not posted)….can you say WINX3?!?!?PicMonkey Collage

3.  Back to school is right around the corner…..Our sophomore had orientation and our 6th grader as well.  2 down and 2 to go.  Sweet structure is almost here.  orient4.  I’ve been walking all week while our youngest has cheer practice for about 45 minutes each night (in addition to my morning classes) and am down 3 pounds.  BooYA.  Meh, the weekend is coming, all subject to change!

5.  I’m taking one last road trip before school starts with my girls.  We leave in the a.m. for a fun and packed weekend of friend visiting….hence the 3 pounds are subject to change.  You feel me?

6.  Oh no…..3 minutes over my time.

7.  Have a great weekend!!!