Tag Archives: God

When you thought no one was watching…

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I sat in my car early that morning, relaxed in the crisp air as the sun made its way into the sky and watched as quiet, sleepy children and coffee toting parents made their way to the football fields that would be our “home” for much of the day.  Our own son was warming up with his team and Hubby would be bringing the rest of the troops when the first game started at 9, and so I had a brief period of rare solitude.  And then it shattered.

Before I saw you, I heard you

You dropped so many F-bombs in 60-second period I lost count

“you should have been a girl, because you are acting like one”

F’ing Unbelievable

A boy about 9 stands outside the truck, gearing up for a day of football

A child I cannot see receives the venomous diatribe

Coming around the corner of her truck, we lock eyes

I am embarrassed for her, humiliated for her son, I drop my eyes

It doesn’t stop

Clenched jaw, uncensored words

A door slammed

Shut up.  I am not even talking to you.  Shut the F up.

I am frozen to my seat.

My eyes tear.

Kids push buttons.  Parents are stressed.  Tempers flare.  Who will be the grown up?

I’ve been here.  Not the F-bomb.  Not stupid.  But clenched jaws.  Unkind words.  Unloving actions.

I’ve been here.  I’ve been 9.  You are a pig.  You are a crybaby.  My father walks away.

We can be so awful to each other.

A door opens.  A sweaty head, tear-stained, furious boy of 9 stomps to the rear of the truck.

The silent brother hands him his equipment.

The mother continues to berate.  They walk away.

I am still frozen.  But my heart and my mind are praying.

Soften our hearts, Lord.  Help us to heal.  Open our eyes, Lord.  Help us to see.

I look for them throughout the morning and come up empty.

My mind continues to spin.  The devil taunts my cowardice.  My heart aches.

Game 1 over, I leave with my daughters while husband and son watch Game 2.

Sitting in the car, I tear out paper from a notebook, I write a letter.

I do not judge.  Parenting is hard.  I do not know the circumstances.

I do know what is right and what is wrong.  I do know what sears the soul.

I encourage forgiveness, healing.  I pray.  I bless.  I leave the letter on the windshield.

I leave the rest to God.

Did I do the right thing?  Will it make it worse?  Will she apologize?  Will he forgive?

I may never know.

God does.

He sees all.

The power of prayer: for Lauren

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A few days ago I posted about my friend’s daughter, Lauren,  who would be having surgery to remove a benign, but troublesome, tumor from her head, as it is pressing on her brain.  Today is that day.  Lauren’s friend had set up a prayer chain so that she would be completely covered in prayer throughout the day.  I had the honor earlier this morning, although my prayers will continue throughout the day.  I have personally experienced the AWEsome power of prayer in my own life and difficult times and can attest to the fact that HE is a force to be reckoned with as Our Lord is inundated with intercessory prayers.  It is never too little or too late.  He is always there. Ready.  Waiting for us to seek Him.

I have no doubt Lauren, her husband, Chris, my dear friend and her husband and their two other daughters in community with all their friends and family will witness the amazing graces of God in response to the prayers of so many on behalf of one.  He can use ANYthing to His glory, even an ugly tumor in a tricky spot.

How “coincidental” that today’s Daily Readings are all about healing and the grace of God, the intercession of Christ and Faith in the One who has authored this story, who is the Healer, the Great Physician.

Psalm 46:8 The Lord of hosts is with us; our stronghold is the God of Jacob.

In your spare time today, won’t you lift up Lauren and her family?  Thanks, and may God Bless you.

 

Friday=Spring Break, Day1

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Spring Break for my kiddos, not me.  Not their teachers, as they post grades for the 3rd Nine weeks which means……folks, we are moving into the home stretch of the year.  HOLY!  COW!!  As once again, I scratch my head in wonder and confusion at how time DOES that!!!  And, so I’ll wrap up my week with Jen @ Conversion Diary and other people from around the globe as they wrap up THEIR week, too!  Happy Weekend!!

1.  Time change week.  I think…..just as we are adjusting to the time change we now go into Spring Break and will have a second transition week AFTER the break.  <sigh>  Well, at least I am off for  a few days and can enjoy a little sleep-in  here and there as well!

2.  I took our oldest to his HIGH SCHOOL REGISTRATION this week.  Again with the time clock.  OY!!!  He’s all signed up for classes.  Happy with his electives.  Relieved he gets a second chance at Algebra 1.  Looking forward to high school.  And I am just dazed wondering where my boy went who  was all about dump trucks, mud in the yard, tree climbing and Rescue Heroes.  <sniff>

3.  Bike Week 2012 is in full swing here.  LOUD. Congested.  Crazy sights.  Hope to get some pictures this weekend and share some of the zaniness that comes to us twice a year.  We try to lay low and stay out of the traffic though, so maybe we’ll just hit the beach instead…..

4.  Great gym time this week.  2 HARD days of strength training and lots of cardio.  Heading into spring in a good mindset.  Week 11 and still going strong.  Can’t say the same for the rest of the gym as it’s gotten much less congested the past few weeks as New Year’s Resolutions peter out. (which is GREAT for me on my lunch break!)

5.  Along with fixing the washer and sink sprayer, Hubby has also fixed the gate where out little Caramel the Cat likes to make a break for it and indulge his stray cat roots.  Dirty little stay-out.  He always comes home though.  Now, it appears he is relegated to the backyard and chasing lizards.  So long as no one shows him how to jump the fence we’ll be good.  For some reason, he hasn’t figured that out yet and I like it like that.  Hubby was rewarded with homemade chocolate chip cookies last night for all his efforts.

6.  Swapped out winter clothes for spring clothes and are taking stock of spring/summer needs.  WHAT am I feeding these children?????  My baby appears to be leaving the 7/8’s behind and entering the 10’s.  And my oldest daughter and I can almost share shoes.  WTH?!?!?!??  She’s 10.  Our boys are 5’8″ and 5’10” @ 12 and 14.  We may need to trade the cat for a cow and dig up the yard for an organic garden or just stop feeding them.  For now, I am just singing the praises of Aldi and Hubby is getting in tight with the Produce stand people…..

7.  Three days off next week.  Thank goodness.  I need a break.  Work is crazy.  I am getting burnt out.  Am having a hard time compartmentalizing patients and their illnesses/diagnoses lately since I  have had far too much bad/sad news lately:   a)my daughter’s 8 yo friend diagnosed with a tumor in her chest and surgery this week to remove it (still waiting to hear how she’s doing), b)my girlfriend’s 30yo daughter diagnosed with a (so far) benign brain tumor to be removed Tuesday with a risky and complex surgery and c)another friend with a recurrence of ovarian cancer cells and will re-start chemo in a week.  UGH.  UGH.  UGH.  Why is life so hard sometimes?  A reminder to embrace each day and to let the petty stuff slide and remember what is truly important and that God has it all under control far better than we EVER could imagine.

God Bless and Happy Weekend!!

Road trip…view from the backseat

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  • ImageLast weekend, my girls and I took a road trip to see my sister, brother-in-law and nephews; while we were there, my sis, my girlfriend and I were going to see my friend’s daughter in “To Kill a Mockingbird”.  It was a whirlwind weekend, rainy, cold and eight hours of car time, but we had a great time.
  • Quality time with my sister:  a play AND appetizers/dessert (I know you are jealous…you should be), something that so rarely happens without at least one of our children present.
  • Catch up (in fast forward) with a good friend and praising God for His mercies and the works He has done in her family’s life after just a year ago their son being diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma.  To just visit with her after their year that changed their lives and see the grace and growth and the LIVING that continues…HUGE.  God IS good.  Even when the circumstances purely suck.
  • Mass at our old church with a powerful sermon by a young priest who is simply ON FIRE and IN LOVE with our Savior.  Seeing and hugging old friends and their growing children.  Life goes on.  We are blessed with the richness of friends and family and this weekend was but a small example.

Back to the road trip portion…..the girls come ready, they pack their own bag o’ goodies.  Snacks.  Games.  Books.  They are veterans of this drive and they know what it takes to stay busy and pass the time.  In the end, they barely touched their bag (aside from the snacks) and we listened to their music so we could hear Taylor Swift (Mama’s iPhone needs to be updated with T’s music), they made up car games, sang songs, played on the iPhone, watched the world go by and took pictures.  Love.  Them.  

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They packed their own snacks.  And dad vaccuumed the crumbs when we got home.  oops.  Image

It’s a long boring drive

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Hoping the truck gets close enough to do “the sign”…you know ‘honk your horn, mister!’  he didn’t.

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Searching for horses….

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Finally.  No offense to country music.  After 8 hours though….Mama needed a change-up in tunes!

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10 and 2, baby!  It was comin’ down!

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Should have checked the weather before we left….

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Love.  Free.  Apps.

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More clouds.

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Rewarded by a group performance in the garage by Ty and his crew…PRICELESS!  (he’s the one commanding the lead from the cooler/stage)

So THAT’S how I talk…

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A while back I agreed to do an interview with Pat Gohn from the Among Women pod cast.  She’s a wonderful speaker (voice like butter!) and I always enjoy her pod casts:  part women Saints history and the other part an interview with various women on various topics.  I love getting a glimpse into other people’s lives, their faith walk and how they incorporate their faith into this world.  Her program feeds my “spiritual voyeurism” and encourages me to keep on keepin’ on.  We all need that from time to time, don’t we?  Back to the interview…..she asked me to speak about MY faith and how it was tested, evolved and sustained me through our own trials.  For some reason I agreed.  Completely out of my comfort zone, I assure you.  However, I had prayed for a long time that if our suffering and faith walk were ever to be a comfort and encouragement to others, than  “Lord, here I am”.

Pat was amazing.  Having NEVER done anything like this in my life, she guided me each step of the way.  Beginning with a draft AND a word count (sheesh!), she edited my story showing me where to fill in the holes.  Once I got going, I didn’t worry about the word count, the story wrote itself.  We Skyped a couple of times to go over things and prep and then came the interview.  It was like chatting with a dear friend over coffee, which is exactly as she wants it to feel.  HOW does she do that???

In the end, the show was aired this week.  I listened yesterday and once I stopped counting my “uh’s and umm’s” (a public speaking gig I won’t be pursuing any time soon) I listened.  And relived.  And stepped out of myself.  And praised God for a wonderful work that  He has done in our family. (and continues to do so daily)  I also realized that I need to get back to THAT place of prayer and faith that I purely lived in heart, mind and soul for so long.  I hope it was somewhat of a tribute to how God blessed us so amazingly with family and friends in our life willing to do His work for us.  It really does take a village and our family, our children, have been blessed mightily in spite of this period of difficulty.

So cling to Him.  He will deliver you.  Today’s Readings are of Esther asking for God to put the words in her mouth to release her people.  She gives Him full reign, full obedience.  Waiting on direction.  The Psalms remind us that when we call on the Lord, He DOES hear us.  We are to trust.  And in the Gospel according to Matthew, Jesus reminds us to ask, seek and the door will be opened.  And if even we as earthly parents give our children what the ask for can we even IMAGINE what God can do for us.  I’m here to tell you, it’s true.  Every bit.  It’s a huge step in faith.  Easy to say, but that first step is a doozy and won’t be one you regret.

Blessings!